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WAYY

Why Are You Yelling 3.0: Over 30 Edition

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People, Animals, Still Life

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Do you even tweet, bro?

RT @roywoodjr: Campaign advisors when their candidate nails a joke. #DemDebate https://t.co/Vtu3R29oem | 1 month ago
RT @daveweigel: Smart of Biden to praise O'Rourke. Most Democratic voters *like all these candidates* -- it's why Warren's refusal to go ne… | 1 month ago

What I've Been 'Gramming

Part of the retreat I went on a few weeks ago included a photoshoot with @cheyennegil, a true angel on earth. I chose to go on the retreat as a way to drag my body with me during this huge spiritual growth spurt I’ve been going through. The first night I was so anxious about being exposed in front of a group of beautiful, body positive people that I almost melted down. By the end, I was not only able to TAKE these pictures (and some even cheekier Polaroids with @hxdonisthealing), but able to look at them and see myself as I truly am. Part of my recent growth spurt has been about letting my body do exactly what it wants as I’m going through a life transition: nourishing it, letting it rest, letting it BE without constant judgment. I realized that I needed to gain back the weight I lost on keto (a never ending cycle) because I wasn’t ready yet: It was still about weight for me. And I can’t make decisions for my body from that place anymore. I first went on a diet at 6, was in weight watchers by 9, and have never put a bite of food in my mouth without fear and shame and regret. That is NOT normal, and I am finally starting to undo it, knowing my weight will go up and down and eventually settle wherever it’s meant to as I get used to approaching food as, well, food. Sharing these photos is intense because many people aren’t used to seeing big bodies—me in full dress or basically a bathing suit can still seem like a lot of flesh because we’re not accustomed. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that the more you expose yourself to things, the more comfortable you become. I challenge you to change up your feed a bit—seek out different and marginalized bodies and maybe question why you haven’t before. One of the things I talked to a friend about on the retreat is the huge misconception about naturally big bodies: I evolved this way for a reason. I would be the last standing on a desert island because my body holds onto every goddamn nutrient. I have the body of my grandmother, who has been my shape all her life and is about to turn 88. My ancestors have used similar bodies to survive, and I owe them my gratitude AND my vow to not just survive but to thrive. 🙏

Being vulnerable on the internet paid off in the form of surprise flowers! 💐 😎 Brightening your feed with one of my favorite colors thanks to my thoughtful step-mom and my dad (who’d be really peeved if he knew his name was taken on Instagram by a teenage boy taking selfies. Luckily, John Segatto is NOT on Instagram because he’s too cool for that, but not too cool to send his funemployed daughter flowers). Gotta figure out how to pay it forward and brighten someone else’s day today, u wanna join me? 🙋🏻‍♀️💡Side note: maybe check on the “strongest” people you know. They’re not used to that because it’s assumed they’ll be just fine, but obv everyone needs love and support, even the tough cookies 🍪 . /endPSA

Bit of a rough day over here—Fridays are sort of meaningless at the moment. Having lots of anxiety about finding the right role that makes me feel valued and safe and like I can be myself—and doing it quickly so I don’t burn through every dollar I’ve saved. Having a bit of internal backlash due to all the growth I’ve been working on (constantly worrying that the real me is “much too much”). Feeling vulnerable and alone in a city of millions of people. Feeling needy and ashamed of that neediness. Trying to ground myself in the things I know to be true: these emotions will pass, there are people who believe in me, and the selfishness and introspection that come with being down and out is necessary for getting through it. Vulnerability is strength, asking for help is human, needing connection is natural. And in the meantime, it’s ok to just hug my dog, who is hugging his dinosaur, until I figure shit out.

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