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WAYY

Why Are You Yelling 3.0: Over 30 Edition

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All Things Food

Version 2

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What I've Been 'Gramming

October update: We are still having a tough time over here. (Well, not Finn or Felix, they love having me home full-time.) It’s hard being a depressive and having a life curve ball thrown your way, and I definitely knew it would be a struggle to stay mentally healthy while going through all this. Unlike other times of struggle, though, I’m being disgustingly kind with myself: I’m seeking little moments of happiness, I’m forgiving myself for long showerless days of feeling down, I’m reaching out for help, I’m setting boundaries as well as expectations, and I’m being really honest with myself about how bad this feels right now. Tbh I’m pretty darn sad—I miss my little work community, I miss having a schedule and an income and a purpose, and I am not good at dealing with the constant rejection that comes with job searching (somehow even more stinging than that which comes with dating). But I’m sitting in the sadness because that’s the only thing that makes me feel hopeful (besides gratitude): knowing that the only way out is through. So. If you have any tips on getting through a funk with a broken brain, I welcome them! Any great books, shows, music you’re loving? Any quotes or mantras I should focus on? ❤️🤗🤯💪

Part of the retreat I went on a few weeks ago included a photoshoot with @cheyennegil, a true angel on earth. I chose to go on the retreat as a way to drag my body with me during this huge spiritual growth spurt I’ve been going through. The first night I was so anxious about being exposed in front of a group of beautiful, body positive people that I almost melted down. By the end, I was not only able to TAKE these pictures (and some even cheekier Polaroids with @hxdonisthealing), but able to look at them and see myself as I truly am. Part of my recent growth spurt has been about letting my body do exactly what it wants as I’m going through a life transition: nourishing it, letting it rest, letting it BE without constant judgment. I realized that I needed to gain back the weight I lost on keto (a never ending cycle) because I wasn’t ready yet: It was still about weight for me. And I can’t make decisions for my body from that place anymore. I first went on a diet at 6, was in weight watchers by 9, and have never put a bite of food in my mouth without fear and shame and regret. That is NOT normal, and I am finally starting to undo it, knowing my weight will go up and down and eventually settle wherever it’s meant to as I get used to approaching food as, well, food. Sharing these photos is intense because many people aren’t used to seeing big bodies—me in full dress or basically a bathing suit can still seem like a lot of flesh because we’re not accustomed. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that the more you expose yourself to things, the more comfortable you become. I challenge you to change up your feed a bit—seek out different and marginalized bodies and maybe question why you haven’t before. One of the things I talked to a friend about on the retreat is the huge misconception about naturally big bodies: I evolved this way for a reason. I would be the last standing on a desert island because my body holds onto every goddamn nutrient. I have the body of my grandmother, who has been my shape all her life and is about to turn 88. My ancestors have used similar bodies to survive, and I owe them my gratitude AND my vow to not just survive but to thrive. 🙏

Being vulnerable on the internet paid off in the form of surprise flowers! 💐 😎 Brightening your feed with one of my favorite colors thanks to my thoughtful step-mom and my dad (who’d be really peeved if he knew his name was taken on Instagram by a teenage boy taking selfies. Luckily, John Segatto is NOT on Instagram because he’s too cool for that, but not too cool to send his funemployed daughter flowers). Gotta figure out how to pay it forward and brighten someone else’s day today, u wanna join me? 🙋🏻‍♀️💡Side note: maybe check on the “strongest” people you know. They’re not used to that because it’s assumed they’ll be just fine, but obv everyone needs love and support, even the tough cookies 🍪 . /endPSA

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